• I never forget- especially strange things-for a long time I memorized peoples birthdays and middle names
• I love bread, fresh baked with butter or dipped in hot cocoa
• I am stubborn- or persistent- I have tried to become a runner for 6 years now, never stringing together mote than a couple of weeks. 2011 I think is going to be the year I do it!
• I am a list maker and a planner. I love new beginnings often celebrating numerous new years: Chinese, Jewish, Samhain. This coming year I think it is time to get excited without needing to start anew.
• I like to help others, this just may lead to a baby watching gig.
• I love good food.
• I am opinionated
• I love books right now loving young adult fiction because it is a faster read.
• I love to travel. Am hoping the baby gig funds can be saved for vacation to ... Europe :-)
• I love staying at home in bed with a cup of herbal tea and a good book.
• I love taking pictures but don't enjoy editing.
• I am punctual
This year I made an effort to create more connections, this is not something I find easy. I like being alone, I like quiet stillness. I know my limitations and I know when I am going to flake out. I like my company. Sometimes I am not sure I even like people. :-) I am trying. I am trying to connect with the Moms from school and ballet. I have had great conversations about the difficulty being a stay at home mom, especially when our men work too many hours or travel frequently. I also have gone to the gym with another mom, this made the time fly and was fun. I prefer real community to online only because I am not so tech savvy and find I take comments too personally. I did sign up for the goddess circle, mostly for the courses and a bonus is the community is warm and accepting.
2011 I will grow my local community. I have wanted to start a women's moon circle and have meetings at my house but I think I am afraid of it not working out and haven't tried. Maybe the time is right to make it happen. I picture a monthly meeting where we discuss woman's issues, along with plain socializing and yummy bake goods.
I am a maker
Of all things wooly
I am a maker
Big and small
I am a maker
Of things to eat
I am a maker
I happily took over the pot holder loom this weekend and started making a small rug for the front door. I love the colors, I love the simplicity. Project on hold until Mo finishes the bag she is making. I am resisting the urge to finish it for her.
I am not one for letting go, I don't know why I just find it hard. I must find comfort in old habits and bad experiences that I replay them in my head. When I first read the prompt I thought of a friend that I am no longer in contact with, I went bingo got one. And then it occurred to me that I have yet to fully let her go because I have a check from 3 years ago and I am still waiting to be told when I can cash it, knowing full well that she has long since forgotten her debt. Since I have no intention of calling her about it, why can't I throw it away? Am I hoping to use it as proof of how I always felt in her presence, slightly used and taken advantage of? I thought about shredding the check last week but couldn't, I even thought of sending it to her. I don't know why I just can't let it go.
I will work harder in 2011 to let go. Forgive and move on. I know it will do me wonders.
When I work in my garden I feel alive. I feel the wind and the sun and sometimes the rain. I feel the earth. I feel my muscles work carrying water or digging up weeds. I love the smell after the rain how it takes me back to summer camp. The smell of a tomato plant when you touch it to me is the smell of summer. I feel alive as I nurture my plants into a harvest I will eat to stay alive.
Writing is hard for me, I may be scarred from my senior year of high school and this dopey teacher who told us how awful we all wrote. I cannot remember much instruction from him on how to fix said terrible writing habits just the rants. He was very passionate in his speeches, he had this vein that popped out of his forehead and he would get all red in the face. Mr. G could really put on a show. Now what keeps me from writing is thinking I am a terrible writer and I like to back that up with my blog reading and comparison. Nothing like comparison to keep me stuck thinking, why should I write I am not good at it, my life is boring, and she is so amazing. This comparison voice is small and powerful, it is not shouting it's message. I am not dwelling in it, just whispers that creep in when I am weak. Maybe a bad nights sleep or the kids are fighting and I use the internet as a tool to numb the moment. That's when it creeps in when I am not centered and balanced. I have known of my affliction with comparison and am unable to start the prescribed treatment. The treatment starts cold turkey I must stop reading blogs for a period of time. During this period I must actually write something, practice because no one is born a writer. And finally acceptance of who I am and love my own gifts and talents that I have to offer. I think when I can recognize my contribution, I will be able to read other's blogs as stories and inspiration and not use them to belittle myself.
Being centered is key to stopping my inner critics and my being stuck. I have been working on keeping myself centered and strong. When I am centered everything goes smoothly. Even the hard stuff is easier to handle. I have practiced yoga for years mostly at home. This fall I started going to yoga to make sure I was doing it right and get my asanas corrected. I am now addicted to the group classes they push me farther and challenge me more than I ever would. I feel like I am flying when I get out knowing I did it! I know it is making more confident and sure of myself in ways I did not imagine. This has led me to sign up for pilates reformer classes and to think again about the Danskin triathlon in 2011. I feel like I can do anything, even if like in class I fall over I know I just have to try again.
I am participating in reverb 10: reflect on this year and manifest what's next, I am uneasy about it. I am not a joiner or a true blogger. I can barely write in complete sentences and seem to be in love with the comma throwing it everywhere without know if it belongs. I know 31 consecutive days of blogging will be hard, it will be monumental actually if I manage and I know that I can do it. Today's prompt is to "encapsulate the year 2010 in one word", I will admit to groaning when I read it. One word that's too hard and thinking there's no reverb police no one will know if I skip a day. It took some courage and thought to come up with the right word. Wonderful, amazing and marvelous are great words and parts of the year were all of those things but how do I include the hard parts of the year, the things I hope I never have to encounter again. I came up with MONUMENTAL and I like this definition best:
1. resembling a monument; massive or imposing.
2. exceptionally great, as in quantity, quality, extent, or degree: a monumental work.
3. of historical or enduring significance: a monumental victory.
4. Fine Arts . having the quality of being larger than life; of heroic scale.
That's right things were big this year. Everything occurred on some crazy life changing scale. In no particular order here is a look at my monumental year.
celebrated my 7th wedding anniversary and we still are in love :-)
youngest is now in 1st grade happily loosing all of her baby teeth. Now here I am a stay at home without kids during the day. It made me question who I was and what is my purpose. I am still working out the answer to these questions because the questions are HUGE. It used to be easy I am Morgan and Jacob's mom in fact I would introduce myself that way sometimes even forgetting to add my own name! Of course I am still a mom, but people want to know What do you do?
I cut nearly 12 inches of my hair off. I still have it sitting in my office waiting for a ceremonial release into the wild. This hair cut was wonderful and I love it!
we took our first family vacation that did not include visiting family.
I saw a bear very close by on that vacation.
I knit my first sweater that actually fits me.
I joined the goddess circle. Again weird I am not a joiner. So far so good. Figuring out the whole forum thing. I am a bit behind on my technology!
I started going to the gym to take yoga classes. This is a big deal, I am not a joiner and have happily practiced in the safety of my own home for years. I am so happy I did it, the teachers push me farther and it lets me know I am stronger than I give myself credit.
my love became self employed. This was a bit of a surprise. His office is wonderfully close, I love that we can have lunch together. His hours are flexible. Being the boss is wonderful and terrifying.
he also turned 40!
Little Isa died. I realized I do not know how to handle death or grief. I think I am still in denial. I try and remember that every moment of every day is precious and to hug my kids more and try my best to send them to school lovingly.
Had a big fight with my Dad's wife. Stopped speaking with both of them.
Forgave my Dad, he visited for the first time since I moved out of state 71/2 years ago
Yes 2010 was monumental. What will 2011 hold for me? Who knows and I like surprises so 2011 can unfold as it needs to and I will meet each day the best I can.